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Category Archives: Mental Health


A lot has been happening for me lately and rather than being stressed out, I’m feeling quite hopeful. I’m looking forward to the future for the first time in a while. One of the characteristics of depression is not being hopeful. There’s not much positive thinking when it comes to the future and for a while I struggled with that. I’d lost my positive outlook. Regaining my hope didn’t happen overnight, but sudden realization that you’re not focusing on anything negative feels like the light has finally been turned on. It’s an amazing feeling. 🙂

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I’ve been a little off with the commenting and supporting and I hope you can forgive me if I’ve made you feel slighted. I’ve been busy lately, and unfortunately, that’s not going to let up just yet. I’m going to be even more busy in the coming months so my posts are going to be at the bare minimum. Believe me, that is not something that I want to do, but it’s something that I understand I must do. I will be sure to share my experiences whenever I can.

Tomorrow is the end of another week for me. If I’m to be honest, I never expected to last this long. I thought I’d be done. I’m happily surprised and I’m thankful that I didn’t get what I expected. 🙂 Well, I’ll let you go. I hope you have a terrific Tuesday! Enjoy your day!


Until next time,



Weigh-In Wednesday Week 06

Hi guys! Another week has come and gone and now it’s time to weigh-in. Last week was pretty damn good. I was so happy with that number because it reflected my efforts. I was on cloud 9, but that same day, I got a little too comfortable with myself. I decided to rest up (I did need it though). It felt really good. Then on Thursday, I had every intention of working out, but I didn’t because things kept happening and I had no time. By Friday, I was so comfortable doing nothing, that all motivation and desire went out the window. I just wanted to continue my period of rest, so I did (I didn’t need it at this point).

By Saturday, I was utterly disgusted with myself and my indifference to exercising. At this point, I was starting to feel indifferent about everything. I chose to do something, so I gritted my teeth and ended up exercising and feeling good. I chose to keep my momentum going on Sunday. I was doing my normal routine and even doing more than I even planned to do. I was ECSTATIC! I was beating my normal time. Nothing could bring me down. I was in it this to win. Then I broke that thing and I lost all internet access. I actually let it get to me. I stopped my workout and ate (it was healthy), but I turned to food nonetheless. I wasn’t happy with myself.

On Monday, I decided to redeem myself by finishing what I couldn’t the day before. That felt great. I felt great. Yesterday, I lost my desire to workout again, and so I didn’t. It’s because of all this that I knew not to expect much from the scale, but in all this craziness, I learned to let go. I’m not tethered to my number anymore. I know where I was mentally this past week and I know how I felt. To have been able to come through that without giving up cannot be reflected in a number. No number can ever show that I had to fight myself to still be here working for this. Regardless, let’s see it… Read the rest of this entry


I’ve been a little bleh lately. I don’t want to exercise (I didn’t yesterday). I don’t want to write any posts (I’m barely doing this one). Instead, I want to be in bed, watching old movies or on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. That is all.

It’s not like I want to be in bed or on the couch eating a pint of ice cream and a large pizza by myself, in fact, this has nothing to do with eating (go figure). I simply don’t want to exercise or write. Heck, it’s getting to the point that I sincerely don’t care if the scale doesn’t move on weigh-in day. I just want to lounge around the house in my pajamas watching my two favorite men (Pat Sajak and Alex Trebek). 😉

I know what I should do, but I don’t want to do it because I have to. I wonder if it has anything to do with the sunless weather we’ve been having lately. I mean there is that disorder, right? Could I have that? Probably not. I do love cloudy days so this probably isn’t it. Who knows. All I know is, I’ve been uninspired lately.

Anyone out there feeling like this? I would love to read what you guys are doing to cope and get back into the groove. I’m still going to try and exercise today, but I don’t know if that will actually happen. *sigh*… I EXERCISED! Before we all go jumping for joy, I will clarify that I did a modified workout (30 minutes). I didn’t want to do anything, but I fought through my laziness, started and then finished. I will do a modified version again tomorrow and increase the time and intensity as the week progresses. Thank you for all the wonderful tips and words of encouragement, ladies (oovictoriaxx  & slkirkland)! Have a happy Saturday!

Until next time,


P.S. Come back tomorrow (and every Sunday until May) because I will be featuring a new participant bio. If you haven’t made one, please do. Don’t forget to use the STMC2014 tag. And if you haven’t joined our Challenge, there’s still time!

Be Mindful

I believe that a weight loss journey is mostly mental rather than physical. There are so many components that take place in the head first before they can ever manifest in the body. I will never see the results I want by exercising and eating as I was before. I have to change my mind and approach to food. It’s because of this that I put a personal emphasis on my thinking and general mental health. I’ve created a list of things that I choose to be especially aware of throughout this journey and beyond. Your list may be different, but I think we can agree on the most of the things listed.


  • Serving sizes– I measure and weigh everything I eat, but I know that will not always be the case. In fact, one of the things I plan to achieve throughout this journey is how to eat. Learning to eat is partially learning how much. Whenever I portion out a serving, I keep in mind how it looks. For instance, how many crackers or how much cereal is in a serving.
  • Satisfaction– As I mentioned, learning to eat is important, and that includes feeling. I have a hard time recognizing when I’ve had enough. Normally, it happens after I’ve eaten an obscene amount of food and there is no longer a chance to redeem that day. I would eat until I felt like I couldn’t breathe. That was fullness, and thus, satisfaction for me. I’ve been learning to listen to my body and what it’s telling me. I no longer seek out that complete fullness. I eat until I’m satisfied — not full.
  • My emotions– I am an emotional eater so when I eat, I now make sure it’s because my body needs it, not because my feelings are hurt. If I’m sad, I drink water or exercise. Hell, sometimes I just cry or whatever I need to do. If not, I watch my favorite movie or Wheel of Fortune. I look for something to lift me up, but it’s not food.
  • My eating– I used to eat on the couch, watching tv. What tended to happen was that I would finish and wonder where all the food went. This would cause me to eat more because I was still “hungry.” Now, I eat at the table. It’s a no cell phone, no tv, no computer zone. I focus on my food and how it tastes. I savor each bite. I experience the food. It definitely changes things.
  • Activity– Unfortunately, I still have to remind myself to move. Sometimes I’ll realize that I’ve sat around doing nothing for quite a while. When that happens, I immediately turn up my music, get up and move. If it’s dancing, exercising, cleaning, etc. it does not matter, I will move somehow. This leads to a personal happiness that I can’t describe. It feels good.

These are only a few things that apply more to me, but there are obviously more. What do you need to be more mindful of? Please let me know, I would love to become more aware of things and possibly even amend my post.

Until next time,


My Demons

I hurt easily. I have always been a sensitive person. I have tried every mental and emotional blockage known, in an effort to keep myself safe from people looking to hurt me. I kept people at arm’s length because if I exposed myself and my feelings, they tend to get manipulated. I rarely felt good enough. Sometimes I didn’t feel worthy and yet, I have a sense of self-worth — or at least I think I do. I didn’t just keep strangers at bay, I did it to my family and friends. I know how cold I came across. Faking an emotional attachment was effortless because I did it all the time. This is not to say that I didn’t get close and let others get close, but I had a hard time. If I did let someone in, I was always on edge.

I resorted to food for this unconditional acceptance and no hurting I sought after. I ate my emotions. It did not matter if I was happy or sad, I would eat. I would numb myself more and more with food. Food never judged me. It would not take advantage of me and my feelings. It would always be there.  No problem was too big or small for food. Food always knew the right things to do to make me feel better.

Instead of dealing with things in a normal, healthy manner, I buried them deep inside me until they were forgotten or no longer felt, but food does not bury things well. At some point things resurface. The one thing that hurt more once it resurfaced was the feeling of rejection. I was emotionally neglected by my father. I ate to fill the void that I felt. In the end, I can’t put the blame of my weight solely on that. I know my own part in this and that’s probably what eats at me more.

It has taken me a long time to learn to not hide behind my body or my insecurities. It has taken me even longer to accept these things as how I am, in order to change them. I choose to share as many of my struggles so that someone, who is dealing with similar issues, can learn that it’s not the end of the world. Overcoming these struggles did not happen overnight, and I still have to remind myself of this. I’ve started to find solace outside of food by exercising and just interacting with people. I keep my sanity by listening and relating to other people. I now know how to connect with someone without losing myself or being cold. I do this by always coming back to myself and collecting my thoughts.

I think this is the most that I’ll share about my personal struggles. I am putting myself out there and as I’ve said, it’s so that it can help someone else. Take what you want from this, but you can’t use it against me. That ship has sailed.

Until next time,


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